um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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