4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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