Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
