After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
