areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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