im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
