It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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