Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize