you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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