I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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