great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
