He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
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My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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