I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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