if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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