The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend