fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs