so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.