Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You can't special order awesome
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.