Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.