If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
