While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
