So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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