I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
