your parents love me but you hate me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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