Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My underwear smells like fireworks.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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