Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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