you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
