I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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