I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
