I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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