yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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