weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
