Will you blow on my dice?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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