I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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