im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
