Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
