another moral hangover. fuck.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK