Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life