apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY