dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All the doctor said was why
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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