He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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