Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
