i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
