And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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