my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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