Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
