I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
