can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
