Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
