I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
