We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize