She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
