Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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