I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
