so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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