Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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